"...a real Latter-Day Saint."

As most everyone knows, Marjorie Hinckley passed away Tuesday night. Allow me to share a few feelings about her life. (or don't allow me, I don't care...it's my blog.)

I heard her speak in person once, back in 1996, when she and Pres. Hinckley visited my mission in Taiwan on their way to dedicate the Hong Kong temple. My favorite line from her talk: "People ask me all the time what's it like being married to President Hinckley? How am I supposed to respond to that? 'Oh, it's...nice.'"

Read some tributes to her here, here, here and here.

Finished yet? Now answer the following question from memory without going back and looking at the articles...

When (if ever) did Sis. Hinckley hold a paying job outside the home, and what was it?

Answer: She worked as a secretary for a glass company from 1929 to the birth of her first child in 1937.

I'd be willing to bet most people wouldn't be able to answer that without re-reading the article (in fact half of the articles don't even mention it, and those that do only mention it in passing in a brief sentence in the middle). Why? Because that detail is pretty irrelevant to who Marjorie Hinckley was, and as such isn't mentioned prominently in any tribute of her. There's a dominant philosophy in neo-feminism today that a woman's identity and worth is inextricably tied into her having a job of some sort. In other words, staying at home and 'just' being a wife and a mother is tantamount to a jail sentence--locking a woman into a sealed box where no one can see her.

Let's suppose the life arc of Sis. Hinckley was a little different. Suppose she never married Pres. Hinckley and continued working at the glass company--even becoming PRESIDENT of the glass company at some point. Would her life be better or worse? (In terms of objective analysis by outside people, mind you, not whether SHE would think it's better or worse, for which we probably know the answer...) Certain members of the feminist movement would say 'better' because only by working outside the home has she 'accomplished anything' and formed her own 'identity'. But since when do women need to have a job to have an 'identity'? Would she be remembered more fondly and for a longer period of time after her death if she had become a 'career woman' than as things currently stand?

Not a fair question, you say--Sis. Hinckley's 'fame' is more or less a direct result of her being the 'wife of the prophet', not a result of anything she did personally. Well, yes and no... In terms of the sheer volume of people who know who she is, that is a result of being Pres. Hinckley's wife. But that kind of 'fame' is temporary and fleeting. 50 years from now, the average church member won't remember much if anything about Sis. Hinckley. (Want a test? Name David O. McKay's or Harold B. Lee's wife. Remember anything significant about them?) The significance of her life and of other people's memory of her isn't measured in quantitative terms...

Let's look at someone significantly less well known than Sis. Hinckley: my grandmother. My grandmother (who's non-LDS, if that matters...) graduated from high school, went off to college, met my grandfather, got married, and to this day has in fact NEVER held a paying job outside the home at any point in her life. Is it true that she has no 'identity' whatsoever? Hardly... She happens to be a grandmaster at Bridge and travelled the country frequently with my grandfather attending tournaments. She's been socially active in many outside organizations and has led a rich and fulfilling life. In short, her 'identity' as a person is not tied into her having or not having a job of some kind. Will people remember her in 50 years? Yes, because of her descendants. Both me and all her other grandkids know her as a loving, charitable individual who always put other's needs ahead of her own. Even after she passes on, I'll be sharing stories about her life to my kids and their kids and so on... Isn't this 'fame' in a more lasting sense? Would laboring at any kind of job for years and years provide this kind of permanence? (Sure, you could work for a law firm until you retire, get your name in the historical records, perhaps on some plaque in the building even, but will anyone really remember you and anything you did 50 years after you die?)

Back to Sis. Hinckley, re-read the articles and tributes to her and note especially the comments from family members about the significance and influence of her life on them. Sis. Hinckley has 25 grandchildren and 40 great-grandchildren (so far). (That's significantly more than my grandmother who has...uh, one great-grandchild at the moment.) The real influence of Sis. Hinckley's life will be realized in the lives of those descendants she touched directly and in those she'll continue to touch indirectly through the memories of those that knew her, and that will continue for generations to come. Her life is a testimony of the true power of being a wife and a mother, a message that many in society have failed to realize.

UPDATE: an article discussing Sis. Hinckley's accomplishments through a 'feminist filter' which covers similar issues is here

NOTE: Some may say I have no standing (being male) to discuss issues of 'feminism' and 'women's roles', much like I have no standing to discuss racial issues since I'm white (but which I do anyway...) To that I'd say this isn't really a 'women only' issue. I'm a software engineer, but that's not my 'identity', and it's not going to bring me any lasting fame, not in the sense discussed above. My being a good husband and father and having a positive impact on other people (specifically my kids and their kids) is the key towards 'immortality' in an earthly sense. In this way, there really isn't that big a difference between men and women.