Dating & Marriage, Part 5--Footnote

[This was written last week, but let's still give a nod to Mark "Foreshadow Boy" Hansen, who mentioned this topic in the comments to D&M Part 5...]

Defenders of short courtships say there really isn't a difference between dating for six months and being engaged for one, versus dating for one and being engaged for six. Works out to the same amount of time either way, right?  Therefore, they must be equivalent...

Not quite... The problem is being engaged puts the relationship on an entirely different level than just casually dating. Once you’re engaged, you have other responsibilities than just ‘getting to know each other’. You have to start planning the wedding and the reception, meeting the family, taking pictures, printing announcements—planning for the future, instead of worrying about the present. From an abstract standpoint, being engaged implies the decision about whether to be together has already been decided, not still under analysis.

To use our original example, when you're engaged, you and your partner have basically opened the starting gate and have already started sliding down the ski jump together. What happens if you start having doubts about the relationship? People who are just dating can break things off without too much trouble, but once you’ve already selected the wedding date, sent out the announcements, planned the honeymoon, and/or arranged for your future living quarters, there’s a lot of external pressure to continue. You've already made the committment (or appeared to) and you’ve added many external influences to your decision to stay together or not, which may not be in your best interest.  While still better than divorcing after the fact, breaking off an engagement can still carry a stigma and a loss of credibility.

It’s far easier to decide not to jump when you’re still at the starting gate and can just walk back down the hill. When you’ve already started sliding down the slope...it’s not quite so easy to stop, is it?